Stage One in The Elder Journey is to Wake Up and Hear the Call.
In many traditions, calls – in the form of sounds – precede prayer, rites of initiation, spiritual healings, and major life events. The purpose of calls is to summon adherents away from their daily grinds to a new level of awareness, into a sacred frame of mind, into communion with that which is bigger than themselves.
At some point in an evolving, enlightened life, I say, there is an awakening to the call to become an Elder. The call may be from an awakening sense that “Something” is happening, or has happened, deep within. It can be an invitation heard in the soul. It will often be felt as a magnetic or gravitational pull -- to move on and/or change direction.
Or, the call may be from outside as a message (in the form of an invitation) from the Universe that one can only hear if one is awake (the Universe sends messages in numerous ways). It can be thought of as an invitation to the soul. It might even be a direct call or request from a friend. It will be heard as an invitation to function without doing, to be without explicit, projected power.
One might notice a discernible difference in the way people act toward you. It may feel like an invitation to function without doing, to be without explicit, projected power. The key is that one must be awake to hear it or feel it. In any event, it will be noticeable. One way or another, it will get our attention.
And so, for the one who is awake, and is beginning to notice, an Inner Voice may start suggesting that, “Perhaps I am called to be an Elder.”
Reaching the stage of “Awakening to the call” seems to happen naturally, although there are a number of things that can slow it down, maybe even block it entirely. But, when it does begin, it usually starts sometime in the late summer of life, shortly after “mid-life”.
Some of us will resist longer than others. But I say that, if the individual is ready and is paying attention, he begins to notice certain things about himself. He has survived and prospered in a competitive, difficult world. He may also have fathered children and stewarded them through the most difficult years of their growth. As he has moved through that interesting time called “mid-life”, he has continued to grow and develop.
Inside, certain feelings and thoughts begin to emerge. Patterns start to be recognized. Unfamiliar cravings are noticed. From deep within, a growing realization takes place that “this is my body and my life. I am responsible.” I know that, for men, a sense of peace and serenity takes over; a sense that tells one: “I no longer wish to fight, to compete, or to dominate, but to encourage, to give, to teach and to bless.”
Perhaps as a result of this developing sense, or even in addition thereto, a kind of self-confidence and detachment, almost spiritual in nature, comes to the fore. It manifests itself physically as if that person is confident and “unruffled”, thoughtful and considerate. It may not be there all the time, but it definitely is present more and more.
It may appear that others, particularly younger people, are responding differently, perhaps with deference and respect. Whether or not one believes he deserves it, people begin to see this person as “experienced” and “wise”, with an understanding of life that comes from having “been there; done that”.
Certainly, a gray beard, a balding or graying head, some wrinkles, a thickness around the middle – all physical signs of aging – seem to help produce this reaction in other people. The Younger Ones, especially, may be projecting on us something that they want, or have been wanting for some time. I say that the Younger Ones are also detecting a particular way of being – at least in some of us. I say they are detecting “Elder Energy”.
Be assured that what we see and feel at this stage is “normal” and it is what must be faced if we are to be Elders. It is at this time when the “budding” Elder is ready to acknowledge that he is beginning the journey into the art and the majesty of Elderhood.
As I have aged and matured [those are two different processes, you know], I have become increasingly aware that I create my own reality.
My reality comes to me largely through what and how I think and what and how I perceive through my senses. Certainly, I can’t change rocks from being hard or water from being wet. But I know now that, if I do not like my reality as it presently exists, and really want to do something about it, I can choose to change that reality by trying on a different way of thinking about it. If it doesn't work at first, at least I gather some data and (if I am awake) also some understanding from the lack of success - perhaps even some insight on what it is that I am resisting and why. If I stay at it - try another way, perhaps - eventually I experience a new reality.
So much of how I see the world is of my own doing! Even what I do with my thinking can create chemicals in my blood that sooner or later affect my attitude, my feelings, and even my health and well-being.
Have I learned these gifts on my own? – Not really. Oh, I have made some decisions on my own as to what I accept as my reality; for example, my mission, my beliefs, my values, etc. But all of these ideas I have just stated -- that work for me now -- are, in truth, centuries old. They have been passed on through other Elders - both young and old, male and female. At this point, I believe that I have a Sacred Trust to continue to pass them on.
Men have told me variations of these stories:
The really good ones are “I am not old enough” and “I just don’t feel like an Elder”.
To me, all these reasons (I mean no disrespect, but they are, in fact, made up stories) are all versions of, “I am not ready”. And, I have some sense that, underneath all that is the judgment that, to be an Elder, one must first slow down, step back, and “hang up the spikes” (i.e., retire). I also believe that, even beneath that, there is fear.
My experience is that there is some truth to the idea that to be an Elder one must slow down. It is only by “slowing down” that we get to really smell the roses, and maybe pay a little more attention to the “Bigger Picture”. On the other hand, I am here to suggest that the judgment that, to be an Elder, one must first “retire” is really based on a fear that “I cannot do what an Elder does”.
Here is where I want to challenge people to take that fear out of the shadows and create for themselves another reality. That reality is,
“I don’t have to retire. I don’t have to step back or stop doing all the things that I now do. I will face my fears and judgments around being an Elder, and start now really being who I am. I declare that I am an Elder. What I do is what an Elder does.”
What I am saying – in so many words -- is, take on the reality that I AM AN ELDER.
If you watch for it, you can see a shift when an individual takes on and claims his Elder Energy. One way it can be perceived is as moving from the state of “doing-doing” to that of “being-doing”. This is incomprehensible to the younger person who (rightly for his phase of his life journey) is out planting and hunting. In a way it is like trying to describe fire to a fish.
But we Elders have reached the phase of our life journey where we can “get” it: We are able to start seeing the bigger picture and harvesting the wisdom of our lives -- even while we are still planting and gathering and hunting and all that stuff. I suggest that there is no reason for an Elder to wait until he or she has stopped planting and hunting to begin that harvesting. It is time to practice being in the moment no matter where we are or what we are doing.
The Buddhists call this practice of mindful doing "Wu-Wei.” That’s a Chinese word that means (something like) “doing without doing”. The paradox of this is most challenging. It doesn't mean just sitting around doing nothing. It means "being" while we are doing. It means being receptive; it means going beyond our egos in what we do and how we do what we do. It means noticing and being aware of what we are doing, while we are doing it.
This also means that we can bring the energy of the Elder to the workplace, the family, and the community at large. What it takes is simply choosing and declaring. What it takes is staying awake, being mindful, and trusting the process.