I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Eventually, one senses that he is ready to acknowledge that he is moving out of the “hunter/warrior” phase of his life. He has survived and, perhaps, even prospered in a competitive, difficult world; he may have fathered children and guided them through the most difficult years of their growth; he may have faced the darkness of mid-life. He is beginning to realize the truth that he is closer to his death than to his birth. And if he has chosen to continue to grow and develop, he is also beginning to realize the power of choosing consciously how he is to live the rest of his life.
The Rite of Passage, the conscious Journey, about which we speak, will ordinarily seriously begin with a man’s Declaration that he chooses to live the rest of his life as an Elder. Those who choose to “declare” in this manner are properly considered as “Declared Elders”.
As I see it, one may choose to “declare” at any stage of development. Thus, for many of us, the Declaration is not so much that I am “beginning” this Journey as it is choosing to continue it in a more conscious and public manner. The "Declared Elder” designation is, and always will be, appropriate once a man has "stepped into the energy" and accepted the mantle of Eldership.
Even before the Call or the Invitation to become an Elder has been heard and is acknowledged, certain shadows may arise, particularly around readiness and/or timeliness. “It is too soon.” “I am not old enough.” “I am not ready to slow down.” All these and more may cause a man to resist, or put off, facing the issue of whether or not it is time to acknowledge that he is on the journey toward Eldership.
We have observed that some circumstances can create internal “blocks” that have the effect of slowing down and even stopping this passage from aging mature adult to Wise Elder. What follows here are some generalities about these “blocks”. All are my own judgments, based upon what I know to be insufficient data. Nevertheless, this is what I see.
For example, my judgment is that a person who has lived in a committed intimate relationship has had more opportunities to really see himself at a deeper level. Without such an opportunity, real spiritual growth, and thus the smooth passage to Elder may be hindered.
I have also noticed that the presence in an aging individual’s life of one or more living parents, or one or more children who have not yet completed their own development into adulthood, may have the result of keeping that individual from fully stepping into and owning his own Elderhood. So, too, may the presence of a spouse that is much younger.
Then, too, I have seen how addictions, such as to alcohol, drugs, or sex, somehow “stunt” a man’s growth and make it more difficult for him to move through the developmental stages of consciousness. This seems to be amplified as a man hits mid-life.
But, I hasten to add that none of these blocks is insurmountable. They are simply shadow forces at work. The one who can perceive and shed light on these forces has the power to overcome his particular block or blocks. In doing so, he will tend to be that much more powerful as an Elder.
Sometimes, it may be all right to “prod” someone who demonstrates one or more of these blocks into making the judgment that he is “ready” or to simply invite him to do so. It may be that he will still be open to such an invitation (I was).
And there are other things that I see as actually helping a man on his journey to being an Elder. For example, teachers and LodgeKeepers may have an inside edge (they already understand “The Giveaway”). Certainly, those who are actively completing a twelve-step program understand the concept of transformation. And there are many “awakening” programs (such as the Landmark Forum) that put one on the journey toward greater consciousness.
As I have aged and matured [those are two different processes, you know], I have become increasingly aware that I create my own reality.
My reality comes to me largely through what and how I think and what and how I perceive through my senses. Certainly, I can’t change rocks from being hard or water from being wet. But I know now that, if I do not like my reality as it presently exists, and really want to do something about it, I can choose to change that reality by trying on a different way of thinking about it. If it doesn't work at first, at least I gather some data and (if I am awake) also some understanding from the lack of success - perhaps even some insight on what it is that I am resisting and why. If I stay at it - try another way, perhaps - eventually I experience a new reality.
So much of how I see the world is of my own doing! Even what I do with my thinking can create chemicals in my blood that sooner or later affect my attitude, my feelings, and even my health and well-being.
Have I learned these gifts on my own? – Not really. Oh, I have made some decisions on my own as to what I accept as my reality; for example, my mission, my beliefs, my values, etc. But all of these ideas I have just stated -- that work for me now -- are, in truth, centuries old. They have been passed on through other Elders - both young and old, male and female. At this point, I believe that I have a Sacred Trust to continue to pass them on.
Men have told me variations of these stories:
The really good ones are “I am not old enough” and “I just don’t feel like an Elder”.
To me, all these reasons (I mean no disrespect, but they are, in fact, made up stories) are all versions of, “I am not ready”. And, I have some sense that, underneath all that is the judgment that, to be an Elder, one must first slow down, step back, and “hang up the spikes” (i.e., retire). I also believe that, even beneath that, there is fear.
My experience is that there is some truth to the idea that to be an Elder one must slow down. It is only by “slowing down” that we get to really smell the roses, and maybe pay a little more attention to the “Bigger Picture”. On the other hand, I am here to suggest that the judgment that, to be an Elder, one must first “retire” is really based on a fear that “I cannot do what an Elder does”.
Here is where I want to challenge people to take that fear out of the shadows and create for themselves another reality. That reality is,
“I don’t have to retire. I don’t have to step back or stop doing all the things that I now do. I will face my fears and judgments around being an Elder, and start now really being who I am. I declare that I am an Elder. What I do is what an Elder does.”
What I am saying – in so many words -- is, take on the reality that I AM AN ELDER.
If you watch for it, I say you can see a shift when an individual takes on and claims his Elder Energy. One way it can be perceived is as moving from the state of “doing-doing” to that of “being-doing”. This is incomprehensible to the younger person who (rightly for his phase of his life journey) is out planting and hunting. In a way it is like trying to describe fire to a fish.
But we Elders have reached the phase of our life journey where we can “get” it: We are able to start seeing the bigger picture and harvesting the wisdom of our lives -- even while we are still planting and gathering and hunting and all that stuff. I suggest that there is no reason for an Elder to wait until he or she has stopped planting and hunting to begin that harvesting. It is time to practice being in the moment no matter where we are or what we are doing.
The Buddhists call this practice of mindful doing "Wu-Wei.” That’s a Chinese word that means (something like) “doing without doing”. The paradox of this is most challenging. It doesn't mean just sitting around doing nothing. It means "being" while we are doing. It means being receptive; it means going beyond our egos in what we do and how we do what we do. It means noticing and being aware of what we are doing, while we are doing it.
I say that this also means that we can bring the energy of the Elder to the workplace, the family, and the community at large. What it takes is simply choosing and declaring. What it takes is staying awake, being mindful, and trusting the process.